Self-healing methods

The core method of self-healing is never to force yourself to get out of an emotional low quickly, nor to copy the cookie-cutter "mindfulness check-in" and "exercise list" on the Internet, but to find the smallest action that is consistent with your current emotional state, allow yourself to "not recover" first, and then slowly complete the replenishment of energy.

Not long ago, I met a young girl who used to work in Internet operations. She was laid off and broke up with her boyfriend of three years last year. Friends around her gave her advice: either sign up for a fitness class to sweat and detoxify, or follow a blogger to do mindfulness meditation. If that doesn't work, go out for a trip to relax. She tried hard for three days, ran until she vomited, and when she meditated, all she could think about was the face of her boss on the day she was laid off. Before signing up for a tour group, she sat on the suitcase and cried until she couldn't breathe, saying, "Why am I so useless? I can't even get better."

Later, she simply stopped trying. She would squat by the flower bed downstairs in the community for twenty minutes every day after get off work, watching the black ants carry the bread crumbs on the ground. Sometimes she would feed two ham sausages to stray cats, not thinking about when she would be able to "come out". She squatted like this for half a month. One day, she watched the ants crawling into the hole carrying broken biscuits twice the size of her. She suddenly laughed and said, "It turns out that even a slow person can carry things home."

Don't tell me, many times we misunderstand "healing" too deeply. We always think that it must be positive, positive, and tangible actions to count. In fact, it is not at all. When I attended a salon in the psychology industry before, counselors with different orientations talked about this topic, and their opinions were quite different: a teacher who practices cognitive behavioral therapy said that when you are stuck in emotions, it is best to take a notebook and write down the extreme thoughts that pop up in your mind, such as "I am finished" and "No one will love me". Then find counterexamples one by one and reject them. If you correct the distorted cognition, your emotions will naturally go smoothly. ； The psychoanalyst teacher waved his hand again and said don't rush to refute. You should first sit down and have a chat with the self that "feels like you're finished" and see what needs it has hidden underneath its emotions. Is it fear of not being recognized or being abandoned? Once you see it, it won't show its teeth. ； Teachers who do somatic therapy are more direct. They say don’t engage in mental pulling. When you feel sad, just take a hot bath at 40 degrees Celsius, bury your face in a soft plush pillow, or even jump around for a few minutes to sweat a little. The body will relax, and the emotional knots will naturally untie.

No one is right or wrong. Just like when you are thirsty, some people like to drink iced Coke, and some people like to drink hot white tea. As long as it can quench your thirst, it doesn't matter. I had followed the trend and bought a bunch of scented candles and healing books, thinking that there must be a sense of ritual before serious healing. However, last time I had an acute anxiety attack, my chest was so tight that I couldn't breathe. I forgot all about mindful breathing and the emotional manual. I squatted in front of the refrigerator and ate half a box of iced watermelon. The moment the ice particles slid down my throat and into my stomach, I suddenly recovered.

Oh, by the way, there is another controversial point: many people say, "Don't express negative emotions to others, as it will consume other people's emotional value." I have seen many people hold back their emotions and not talk to anyone. In the end, they suffered from insomnia and hair loss, which made them more serious. In fact, there is no standard answer to this matter: if you have a reliable friend by your side, who will not judge you no matter what you say, and will not chase you to reason, then you can vomit as much as you want. After vomiting, you will feel comfortable, and the other person will not feel consumed, but will feel that you trust him. ； If you don't have this condition, it's better to write in a small account where no one can read it, talk to the tree downstairs for half an hour, or even record the voice to yourself, than holding it in. Emotions are like floods. If you block them, they will only accumulate more. If you open a small opening and let it flow slowly, nothing will happen.

I sometimes compare self-healing to charging a mobile phone. Some people use the new fast charger to break a sweat after running 5 kilometers, or have a hot pot meal with friends and be fully charged in two or three hours.； Some people have used old mobile phones for several years. Fast charging will damage the battery, so they have to plug in the slow charging plug and sit on the sofa watching stupid dramas for three days, or lie down and watch movies all day long, and the battery will slowly increase. There is no need to use a mobile phone that requires slow charging according to fast charging standards. If it cannot be charged, you still blame yourself for not living up to expectations. Isn’t this just looking for trouble for yourself?

To put it bluntly, there is never a perfect answer to the question of self-healing. You don’t have to force yourself to be an emotional top student, nor do you have to align with other people’s healing templates. Today you just lie down if you don't want to move, and cry if you want to. Even if you don't do any healing action, as long as you don't force yourself to "get better immediately", you are already heading in the right direction.

After all, being able to allow yourself to be imperfect is the best healing in itself.