Phoenix Judging from my 8 years of experience in providing children’s community psychological services, a stable and supportive growth environment, suitable emotional relief channels, and a growth rhythm that conforms to the laws of development are the three core foundations that support children’s mental health. If any one of them is missing, it is easy to bury psychological risks during the growth process.
Many parents and even the elderly feel that "children have no psychological problems, as long as they are well fed and clothed and not cold and hungry." Some parents are busy working on their careers and always think about "waiting to make enough money to compensate their children." However, in fact, for children, the priority of food and clothing is far lower than the sense of certainty of "I know that I have been wronged and someone will take care of me." I met a 7-year-old boy before. His parents were long-distance truckers all year round and he lived with his grandma. He was robbed of his stationery by his classmates and criticized by his teacher at school. When he came home, he said his grandma always said, "If you don't cause trouble, others won't trouble you." He failed in the final exam last time and hid in the corridor crying for two hours, but no one came to him. When he came for consultation, he was already suffering from mild anxiety. Later, we coordinated with volunteers from the community to chat with him about interesting things at school twice a week. His parents also regularly took 10 minutes to play video every day after collecting the car, specifically to listen to him talk about "the happy and unhappy things he encountered today." After just over two months, the child who had always huddled in the corner has already taken the initiative to show us the car he drew.
Of course, stable support is not enough. Children must have their own "emotional outlet." A little girl in fourth grade was brought in for consultation by her mother, who said her child always drew dark monsters and looked "psychologically abnormal." After we talked, we found out that the little girl was bullied by her classmates and did not dare to tell the teacher. Whenever she got angry, she drew unhappy monsters and painted them out. It was originally a very good way to relieve herself. However, her mother insisted on throwing away all her drawings and forced her to draw "sunny sunflowers." Instead, her exit was blocked. Soon she had the problem of frequent bedwetting and being afraid to go to school. We can also encounter very common controversies here. Many people think that "keeping children happy all the time is mental health." They don't see children crying, fussing, or having tantrums. Whenever they have negative emotions, they either suppress them or coax them into compromise. In fact, negative emotions are not a scourge at all. Allowing them to flow out naturally is much healthier than forcing children to "be happy all the time."
There is another deeply hidden influencing factor, which is not to rush your children to "grow up too early." In a case I received a while ago, there was a 5-year-old boy who could memorize hundreds of ancient poems and do math problems for the second grade of elementary school. He spoke like a little adult and said, "I want to be first in the exam to be a good boy." As a result, the sandbox game was full of examiners and trophies, not even a small doll representing a playmate. When asked if he wanted to play with the sand on the ground, he frowned and said, "Playing with sand is useless, learning English is useful." Nowadays, there is always a debate on the Internet about whether happy education is harming children. In fact, neither party has come to the point. Happy education is not about letting children learn nothing and play crazy, but not forcing things against their development rhythm. Forcing children to sit for two hours to practice piano when they are 3 years old, and asking them to strive for first place in everything when they are 6 years old is equivalent to loosening the foundation of children's psychology. They seem to be sensible and smarter than children of the same age, but in fact they are prone to collapse when they encounter some setbacks.
To be honest, children's psychology is like a newly planted fruit seedling. If you give it enough stable soil to take root, leave enough drainage holes for it to prevent the roots from soaking, and don't pull the seedling up every day, it will grow well on its own. There is really no need to engage in those fancy "emotional intelligence training" and "psychological cultivation". Doing the three most basic things is better than anything else.
