A complete collection of self-healing methods

There is no "optimal healing formula" that works for everyone. Any method that can help you stop internal friction and return to a stable state from an emotional low is a good method. Currently, the methods that have been verified by clinical psychology and can be directly used by ordinary people are mainly divided into four major directions: physical adjustment, cognitive calibration, relationship anchoring, and meaning reconstruction. You can choose and use them according to your current state and personality preferences. There is no need to force yourself to conform to the "correct healing template" claimed by others.

Don't tell me, I had a visitor who worked in Internet operations before. He was so anxious that he couldn't sleep for three consecutive days and shed tears. He forced himself to sit at the desk and write an "emotion tracing diary", trying to find out "why I am in so much pain." As a result, the more I wrote, the more blocked I became, and I almost collapsed. I just asked her to throw away the notebook, put on her shoes and go downstairs to dance jumping jacks for 10 minutes. After she came back, she gasped and told me that half of the heavy thing blocking her chest had somehow disintegrated. This is actually the core idea of ​​the behaviorism school: in many cases, you don’t need to understand “where emotions come from” first. You adjust your physical state first, and your emotions will naturally change accordingly. Of course, if you agree more with the logic of psychoanalysis and feel that you must first dig into the root causes to solve the problem, that’s totally fine. The method itself has no merit, it just depends on whether it suits you at the moment.

If you are so panicked that your hands and feet are numb and your mind can't move at all, the most practical thing is the body adjustment method. You don't need to learn complicated methods, you can use them with you. For example, my friend was almost quarreled when someone jumped in line at a high-speed rail station. He was so flustered that his hands were shaking, so he used the classic 5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding method: he touched the iced milk tea he just bought in his pocket (tactile), and smelled the ice tea floating next to him. The smell of roasted chestnuts (sense of smell), I counted the three passengers in red coats in front of me (sense of sight), I took a bite of the remaining mints in my mouth (sense of taste), and listened carefully to the announcement from the platform for 10 seconds (sense of hearing). I calmed down within two minutes. If you are usually at home, you can try to clench your fists to the extreme and then suddenly release them. Repeat this five or six times, and the tightness in your shoulders and neck will be loosened by half. You can even soak your feet for 10 minutes before going to bed and bask in the sun for 15 minutes. These seemingly unrelated little things are all very cost-effective healing methods.

Oh, by the way, if you haven’t panicked to the point of losing your mind at the moment, but you just can’t help but think about that bad thing over and over again, and the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it, the more you think about it. The differences between different schools here are actually quite large: Supporters of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) believe that you have to refute the irrational thoughts that pop up in your mind. For example, if you always feel that "this report was messed up, the whole company looks down on me", then list out who has praised your previous work, and who has also said that your plan has highlights this time. When the evidence is presented, the absurd thoughts will naturally be dispelled. ； But researchers of mindfulness and existentialism believe that there is no need to argue with thoughts at all. You can treat them as clouds floating in the sky. You are a person standing on the ground looking at clouds. If the clouds float away, it is over. There is no need to chase the clouds. I once met a little girl who failed in the postgraduate entrance examination. She scolded herself as a waste at home every day. When I first asked her to write a list of rebuttals, she couldn't write them in. Later, I asked her to write the four words "I am a waste" on a sticky note and put it on the refrigerator. The next day, she laughed when she looked at it and said, "Why was I so stupid yesterday."

What’s interesting is that nowadays people always say “learn to live with negative emotions” on the Internet, but many practitioners complain to me: “I just don’t want to live with negative emotions. I just want to watch a half-hour funny short video and forget about it, okay?” ”Of course, as long as you don’t feel guilty after finishing it because “I wasted half an hour and didn’t heal well”, then this is the best method. Don’t be kidnapped by those “correct healing postures”.

Many people always think that self-healing requires "relying on oneself", but this is not the case at all. Research on attachment theory has long confirmed that a secure relationship itself is the best container for healing. I once had a colleague who would call her mother back home every time she worked overtime until she collapsed. Instead of complaining about how difficult the work was, she would just listen to her mother say a few words: the cat at home had torn down the sofa, and the vegetables downstairs had increased by 50 cents. After hanging up the phone, she felt relieved. Of course, if you are afraid of causing trouble to others, or if you don’t have such a safe relationship around you for the time being, it doesn’t matter. Write it in a small account that no one can read, write a letter to yourself in three years, or even squat down to tease the stray cats in the community for half an hour. Those non-judgmental responses you get are the anchor points of your relationship. I have also seen people think that "exposing vulnerability will be looked down upon" and would rather carry it on their own than never talk. This is totally fine. As long as you feel comfortable, there is no need to force yourself to "learn to open up."

There are also some "wild methods" that are not within the scope of mainstream psychological research, but have been tested and used by countless people. They can also be put into your healing tool box. When I fell out of love last year, I sorted out my old clothes at home for three days and threw away three big bags of useless sundries. When I finished throwing away the last bag, I suddenly felt that the empty space in my heart had somehow been filled up. I can’t explain why, but it was probably cleaning up the physical space and taking away the garbage in the psychological space. There are also those moments when you always feel that life is meaningless and unmotivated. Don't sit there racking your brains and thinking "What is the meaning of life?" Go to the vegetable market, smell the smell of fresh fish, listen to the vegetable seller shouting "fresh lettuce costs three yuan a pound", and carry home half a bag of freshly baked sugar-roasted chestnuts. When the smoke of fireworks wraps around you, you will most likely feel that you need to eat a bowl of hot noodles first before talking about anything else.

In fact, after all is said and done, the core point of self-healing is not to compete with yourself. Others use shocking methods, but you throw them away when you feel uncomfortable. Even if you can calm down by squatting on the roadside and counting ants for half an hour, that is your best method. There is no real "encyclopedia". The one that suits you best is your exclusive standard answer.