Zinnia After really doing some down-to-earth emotional adjustment several times, the first feeling that pops up is not at all the "happy and worry-free every day" mentioned on the Internet. Instead, it is a kind of relaxation - the kind of relaxation that does not have to contend with one's own instinctive emotions. Even the shoulders and neck can unconsciously relax two degrees.
Many people have misunderstandings about emotional regulation before they come into contact with it. They either think that they are forcing themselves to swallow their anger and swallow all their anger, or they think that they are trying to brainwash themselves "I'm not angry, I'm fine." In fact, if you have experienced it, you will know that it is completely different. Last month, I worked on a project for three weeks. The client temporarily overturned all the previous requirements and had to redo them. I stared at the computer screen and blood rushed to my head. Before, I would either throw the keyboard on the spot and have an argument with the person I was working with, or I would hide in the stairwell and cry for half an hour. That day, I stopped for 30 seconds and did box breathing. Instead of suppressing the fire, I said to the person I was working with, "I'm feeling a little emotional right now." I will wait 10 minutes before meeting with you to modify the details." During the 10 minutes, I went to the corridor to catch the wind, typed all the words I wanted to criticize in the memo and deleted them. When I went back to the meeting, I was neither emotional nor choking, nor did I agree to the unreasonable time limit of "complete modifications in two days" requested by the customer. In the end, I gained three more days of adjustment time, and the project was handed in with a higher score than the previous version.
I had an argument with a friend before when we talked about this. She felt that my edges had been smoothed by society and that I didn’t even dare to show my true emotions. Some people said that emotional regulation is a lie. When it comes to big things like the death of a loved one or the failure of a project, any method is useless. I actually agree with this. Last week, my cat that I had raised for three years ran away. I searched all night, but all the breathing techniques and cognitive reappraisal were useless. I sat on the roadside of the community and cried until my face was swollen. Only then did I understand that good emotional adjustment never allows you to give up all negative emotions, nor does it require you to be calm forever. It just helps you separate emotions and actions - you can be angry, but there is no need to lose your job on the spot. ； You can be sad, but there is no need to blame yourself all night long for your mistakes.
What does it sound like? In the past, your mood was like that of an uninvited overbearing guest, who would smash things whenever he wanted and make a fuss as late as he wanted. You were either afraid of him and followed his will and threw things randomly, or you fought with him until your house was shattered. Now you know that he is just a guest and will leave when he is noisy enough.
Another very subtle change is that now I rarely "regret afterwards". In the past, I would beat myself up for days after being driven by my emotions to say harsh words or make impulsive decisions. Now, even if I really can't control myself and get angry, I won't turn around and scold myself for "why I can't even manage my emotions well." After all, allowing emotions to flow is itself a part of regulation. In the past, I always had breast nodules and chronic gastritis. In the past six months, I have tried not to hold it in or express my emotions. I have found ways to express my emotions first. In the last six months, the nodules have shrunk by half a millimeter during my physical examination. It sounds mysterious, but the feedback from my body is really the most honest, and I have truly felt the benefits of emotional regulation.
