Emotion regulation methods include

There are body anchoring, cognitive adjustment, action transfer, in addition to artistic expression, writing therapy and other subdivision methods. The applicable preferences of different schools vary greatly, and there is no universal formula suitable for all scenarios.

Last week, I received a visit from someone who works in Internet operations. In the morning, because the 618 activity data was not as expected, the director scolded me three times in the entire department group. When I entered the consultation room, my fingernails were so pinched that my palms were covered with crescent-shaped red marks. Tears rolled in my eyes several times and I was holding them back. I said my chest was blocked like a piece of water-soaked cotton wool, and I could barely speak.

This emotional peak reached a state of over 8 points. I had no intention of talking to her about any ideas, right? I first pulled her to do 3 sets of 478 breathing - inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7 seconds, and exhaling slowly for 8 seconds. Halfway through the third set, she burst into tears, and the emotions that had been blocked for almost two hours were finally released. Don’t think that this is just to fool people. Somatodynamic counselors particularly recommend this type of body anchoring method. The core logic is that emotional reactions are always faster than cognitive responses. When your heart beats fast, your palms are sweaty, and your chest is congested, the rational area of ​​your brain is basically down, and you won’t be able to listen no matter how many reasons you say. In addition to 478 breathing, there is also the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method used to deal with acute anxiety attacks - name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. A visitor with a panic disorder told me that the last time I was about to have an attack on the subway, I relied on counting the colors of the shoes of people around me and the coolness of the handrails to get through it without losing my temper in public places. Oh, yes, in the past, consultants in the CBT school thought that this type of method was "treating the symptoms but not the root cause." In recent years, a consensus has gradually been reached: when an acute emotional outburst occurs, stabilizing your physical condition is the top priority. It is better than having to quit your job or speak harshly to your family when you get emotional.

After she had cried enough and her emotional score dropped from 9 to 3, we slowly talked about what had just happened. The first thing she said when she opened her mouth was, "The director is targeting me. I'm a waste. I can't do this job at all." This is also the typical thinking of many people when they get emotional: infinitely magnifying the negative results of a single incident and directly deducting it from their own personal value. At this point, cognitive adjustment methods are the home, but there are actually quite a lot of differences between different schools as to what methods to use. The traditional CBT school will tend to help you find out the irrationality in your ideas: "You won the company's quarterly award for the Goddess' Day event you did last month. The director privately praised you for your clear logic before. How come this is targeted at you? ”Pull you out of catastrophizing thinking. But the counselors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) will not ask you whether your thoughts are right or not. Instead, they will teach you to try to rephrase this sentence: "Oh, I now have the thought of 'I am waste'" - just add a few words, and you will change from "a person controlled by thoughts" to "a person who observes thoughts". You don't have to fight with the thoughts, they will float away after a while. There is no superiority between these two methods. Among the clients I have met, some people like to clarify their logic and feel comfortable instantly when they understand where they thought wrong. Some people are already annoyed and get more upset when you argue with them about right and wrong. On the contrary, the method of cognitive dissociation is more effective.

When this girl left that day, I didn't leave any homework for her to write an emotional diary, so I told her, don't hold it in at home tonight, either go to the jazz dance class you talked about to me last week, or go to eat that butter hot pot that you have been cultivating for half a month, whatever makes you happy. This belongs to the third category of action transfer adjustment methods. When it comes to this, the controversy is even greater. Many counselors with a psychoanalytic orientation will feel that you are avoiding your emotions. Now that you have transferred, you will explode next time when you encounter similar things. It is better to stay and have a clear discussion about the complex behind it. But I agree more with the view of the school of positive psychology: as long as the current emotion may cause you to make impulsive and regretful decisions, it is perfectly fine to temporarily shift. Just like when you have an argument with your partner and are about to break up, instead of insisting on fighting to win or lose, you might as well go to the balcony to smoke a cigarette, pet the cat, or even go downstairs to buy an ice cream to eat, and wait until the situation subsides before talking again, which will make it less likely to say hurtful words. When I was so anxious about meeting a project deadline that my head hurt, I didn’t have the energy to do any breathing exercises or sort out my cognition, so I would go downstairs and run around the park twice, or go to a convenience store to buy an ice-cold sparkling water and take a sip.

Oh, by the way, there are also many people who like to use emotional diaries, painting, and kneading clay. They are artistic expression adjustment methods. They essentially help you turn invisible and intangible emotions into concrete things. Many people use them easily. After all, emotional regulation is never a test of "eliminating negative emotions". There is no standard answer, and you don't have to force yourself to use methods that others say work well - some people can calm down through meditation, while others find it more annoying to sit there for ten minutes. ； It would be nice if someone petted the cat, but someone would become even more irritable when the cat sheds its fur. It's like a strange kitten suddenly breaks into your house. You don't have to force it out or force it to get close to you immediately. Give it some space and something it likes. If it makes enough trouble, it will leave on its own.