The easiest way to heal yourself

The simplest way to heal yourself is to see your current emotions without judgment, without changing or suppressing them, just stay there for 3 seconds.

Last week, I met a young girl who works in Internet operations in the studio. After staying up all night to revise the plan, her boss completely rejected it. She squatted in front of the convenience store downstairs and ate cold buns and shed tears. She also had an alarm clock set for 15 minutes in hand, fearing that she would not be able to catch the last subway train if she cried for too long. She wiped her tears while cursing herself for being hopeless. She couldn't help but cry when something happened. I squatted next to her and handed her a piece of paper. I didn't advise her to "don't be sad" or "come on next time." I just said, "You must be feeling particularly wronged now." She cried harder and ended up crying for 12 minutes. She wiped her face and said she didn't feel so panicked anymore, turned around and ran to catch the subway.

It's interesting to say that different schools of psychology have been arguing about emotional processing for decades, but at this point they are slowly coming together. In the early years, the psychoanalytic school always said that suppressed emotions will not disappear out of thin air, but will only ferment in corners that you cannot see, and one day they will find a smaller reason to explode. ； Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which became popular all over the world in the early years, initially emphasized the need to quickly correct "irrational beliefs." Now, the acceptance and commitment therapy ACT, which has been derived, puts "acceptance without judgment" at the forefront of cognitive adjustment. Some people also say that "the more emotions are vented, the stronger they become." This is actually true - if your first reaction after seeing an emotion is to raise your fists and fight with it, whether you suppress it or yell out, you are essentially feeding it energy. Instead, you just stand aside and look at it, neither hiding nor fighting, and it will lose its energy after jumping around a few times.

I also encountered pitfalls when I had an anxiety attack two years ago, and made self-healing a new KPI: I must do 10 minutes of mindfulness every day, run 3 kilometers, and write a 300-word emotional diary. If I don't finish it on any day, I will have another layer of frustration of "Why can't I even heal well?" The more I push myself, the more panic I get. Until one time when I couldn't move anymore, I sat on the sofa staring at the ceiling and crying. I neither scolded myself for being pretentious nor searched for "how to quickly relieve anxiety" on my phone. I just stayed like that for five minutes, and suddenly I felt that the stone on my chest that had been pressing for almost half a month had quietly relaxed a little.

To put it bluntly, most people's first reaction to emotions is either to avoid "I can't be angry, I have to be generous", or to rush "what's so sad about this little thing", but they are unwilling to stop and see what it is. Just like a courier knocking on your door, you don't have to rush to throw it out, and you don't have to force yourself to open it on the spot to see what's inside. Just say "I know you're here" first, and it doesn't matter if you leave it at the door for a while. It's better than forcing it to be piled in the corner until you can't even open the door.

A few days ago, I encountered a small incident on the subway. Someone stepped on my white shoes. The other person pushed me out of the car without apologising. His face turned red and he stood with his fists clenched for a long time. Finally, he muttered under his breath, "Everyone else would be angry." You see, it's as simple as that. You don't need to complain to your friends for two hours, or go to the boxing gym to hit the punching bag for half an hour. Just a non-judgmental "Oh, I'm really a little unhappy right now" is enough.

Of course, we have to be honest, this method is not a panacea that can cure all diseases. If you are experiencing a major traumatic event, such as the death of a loved one, an accident, or have been diagnosed with a mood disorder, don't bear it. Instead, you should find a counselor and follow the doctor's advice. This 3-second "seeing" will just help you find a small outlet to dump out the small grievances and grievances you have saved in your daily life in a timely manner, instead of turning them into a big baggage.

We live in a world where we have to be efficient even when we eat and sleep. We are tired enough, so don’t force yourself to have perfect emotions. You don’t need to learn any complicated healing techniques or spend a lot of money to sign up for any courses. Next time you feel overwhelmed, just stop for 3 seconds and say hello to your emotions.

Really, you will know once you try it.