What are the manifestations of the relationship between parenting and children’s health?

Every detail of the concept and implementation of parenting will comprehensively shape the short-term and long-term health status of children from the three dimensions of physical development, psychological state, and social adaptability. It will even have a profound impact on their risk of chronic disease and emotional regulation ability in adulthood for decades.

Not long ago, I met two 3-year-old boys of the same age when I was attending a child care consultation in the community. The difference was particularly obvious: one family was raised by the grandparents, who were always worried about the children being hungry and freezing, so they chased after the children to feed them. They always wore two more layers than children of the same age when going out. When the children cried, they stuffed candies to comfort them. When they came for the physical examination, they were not only 2 pounds overweight, but already had three cavities. When they saw the doctor in a white coat, they hid in the old man's arms and refused to say anything to him.； In another family, the parents have done a lot of parenting homework. When eating, they prepare exclusive tableware for their children to eat independently. When dressing, they refer to the temperature of the child's back neck instead of the body feeling of the elderly. They take their children downstairs for an hour every day to run and play with other children of the same age in the community. Except for birthdays and holidays, they rarely eat refined sugar. All the indicators in this physical examination were within the optimal range. He also took the initiative to hand me the little tiger he drew with crayons that he brought with him.

Don’t think that this is just a matter of “careful or not”. These daily parenting choices will, over time, become the foundation of your child’s health. Take the now-controversial "cry immunity method" as an example. In the early years, many parents believed in this method, believing that not holding the baby until it cries or only holding it until it cries can train the child to fall asleep independently and develop an independent personality. However, after the long-term tracking data over the years came out, another school of thought also gained There is a lot of evidence: if the appeals of infants under 1 year old can be responded to in a timely manner, a more stable and secure attachment can be established, the probability of emotional disorders at school age can be reduced by about 30%, and physical symptoms caused by psychological problems such as repeated unexplained abdominal pain and headaches are also less likely to occur. What the industry now advocates is responsive parenting, which does not mean that you should be unconditionally satisfied as soon as you cry. Instead, you should first catch the child's emotions and then slowly guide them to solve the problem. Relaxation is better for the child's physical and mental health.

Many parents' understanding of health is just "don't get sick and grow taller". In fact, the psychological impact is hidden but far-reaching. I received several children who had just entered elementary school last year. They usually have good physical fitness and rarely get sick. However, they often catch colds and develop hives during the middle and late semesters. When asked, most of the parents only focused on their academic performance. Even if they got 98 points in the exam, they would first ask where they lost the two points. They never asked the children if they were happy in school or if they had made good friends. The chronic stress caused by this kind of long-term high-pressure parenting will quietly suppress the child's immune function, which has a much greater impact on health than occasionally catching a cold or eating a bad stomach.

In fact, parenting is like cultivating soil for a newly planted sapling. If you water it improperly, give it enough sunlight, and put a windproof cover on it when the wind blows, it will not only affect whether it can grow new leaves now, but also affect whether it will be easily blown down during heavy rains in the future. Many of the eating habits, exercise habits, and emotional regulation logic developed in childhood will accompany the child for a lifetime: children who are always chased for food when they are young are nearly twice as likely to develop overeating and eating disorders when they grow up than children who eat independently. ； Children who are always denied their emotions as children are at a much higher risk of developing anxiety and depression as adults.

Of course, this does not mean that more sophisticated parenting is better. Nowadays, many parents are overly anxious. They rush to give medicine when their children sneeze, and become extremely nervous when their children stumble. This kind of over-protective parenting style will prevent the children's immune system from getting enough microbial stimulation and exercise, and it is easy to develop a timid and withdrawn character. This is what the industry has been reminding parents to not go from one extreme to the other.

In the past five or six years of doing parenting science, I have seen all kinds of families and children, and I increasingly feel that there is no perfect parenting formula. As long as we grasp the core of "respecting the child's growth pattern", we can avoid many unnecessary pitfalls. To put it bluntly, the child's health itself is the most intuitive feedback on parenting. How you treat him is clearly written in his little face, energy and the small details of how he treats others.